Please be kind; I feel really stupid about it as is and just want to put my mind at ease because my anxiety is through the roof. I don’t know a lot about this kind of stuff, other than secondhand knowledge from past partners or friends.
I suffer from chronic pain. Sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed, walk, climb stairs or I experience issues with the nerves in my hands/arms. Nothing ever really helps. My mom (who is newly in remission) used to take edibles for the pain and to cope with the side effects of chemo. She thought it could help me so she let me try a few on occasion when I would visit. They worked and I got really accustomed to taking them, albeit probably too much. (Half of one for not so bad days, a full gummy for really bad days.) I never had too much of a bad experience before. It was just nice to be able to sleep and not feel trapped in my constant pain/body.
Then last night happened. For Christmas, my parents got me two bags of gummies. I can’t remember the brand or dose, but I know it was a new brand for us. To be safe, I cut them all in half. (Albeit they weren’t all even, which might factor into my high?) I wanted to have a nice relaxed NYE so I took a full one, ate a huge dinner, and then sat back with my boyfriend to binge YouTube.
I felt super good and fine when it hit. It was a nice warm floaty high and it was nice to be laughing so much because I have been kind of struggling with my depression lately. And then out of nowhere, it hit really hard. It felt so focused in my face and chest. I felt like I couldn’t breathe? I had to consciously focus on reminding myself to breathe because otherwise I would catch myself holding my breath or gasping for air randomly. My heart was beating too fast. I was freezing; my boyfriend said I was like ice to the touch and I was starting to panic because I was scared to fall asleep because what if stop breathing. I never had experienced this before and my boyfriend doesn’t partake so he wasn’t much help/didn’t understand what I was talking about (which made me feel like I was going crazy). He tried holding and talking to me, but hearing how fast my heart was compared to his made me more upset. I paced around, tried to get warm, tried to listen to my favorite songs, play Animal Crossing. Nothing was helping.
I ended up sitting in a hot bath, trying to focus on breathing, and calling a friend who talked me through a good hour or two of the high, but I laid in bed for hours until I finally felt safe enough to sleep. It finally “stopped” around 5-8am. I went to work at 10 and felt fine considering. I was just really tired and kind of shaken up. I felt like nothing happened.
But since getting home, I started feeling that shortness of breath way again. I dozed off a few times and kept waking up because I felt “off” or I would be worrying I wasn’t breathing. I started coming up with all these possible scenarios and working myself up. I don’t know if it’s still in my system or if it’s my anxiety or both, but I’m laying here wide awake, hyper aware of my body/breathing, and I’m exhausted. I think when I cut them in half and meant to take a full gummy, I took a bit more because of them not being cut all evenly. That or it was a different dose or the different brand.
Is this normal? Does it stop? Some of my friends who do this regularly have been giving me mixed stories/help and I’m just confused and feel bad/stupid for ruining NYE.
Sorry for the long post.